I’m hopeful. I’m resolute. I’m grateful. But I’m also angry.
I confess that I am uncomfortable with feeling angry. I believe this is because anger was not one of the “allowed” emotions of the fundamentalist church I spent years in. We were expected to be nice. And being angry isn’t being nice. (One of my first moments of detaching from church teachings was realizing that Jesus expressed his anger). I’m also uncomfortable with anger because I lived for years with latent, seething anger about life circumstances, my perceived unworthiness and defects and more. As I began to awaken in 2014, I let myself feel everything; including anger. In doing so, I often expressed my anger in ways that were hurtful to people I love, went on acerbic social media rants and otherwise used other people as a projector screen of my anger.
My relationship with anger has changed. I have learned that impulsive, flashes of anger usually mean I’m depleted spiritually, biologically or mentally. I have learned that anger is a natural emotion and its the response to anger that can be toxic; both suppressing it and expressing it in unhealthy ways. In meditating on this topic, a message came to me: “There is a place for anger, but it’s never above Love.”
In the midst of this crisis, anger is one of the emotions I feel. I can intellectualize why that is. Instead, I’ve chosen to just feel it. And try not to express it in unloving ways.
In the spirit of healthy expression, I hope you allow me to place a few things here …
I’m angry at Trump and Trump supporters. This includes the unholy alliance between conspiracy theorists who spread racist, bullshit lies and the religious right-wingers who replace science, logic and faith with cheap and phony knock-offs for all three.
I’m angry at Senators (mostly Republican) who dumped stock after getting a top-secret briefing on COVID.
I’m angry at Senators (all Republican) who are giving away too much power to the executive brand on how stimulus funds will be distributed.
I’m angry at people who spread false “cures” or alarms through cut-and-pastes, links and memes.
I’m angry at the media for reporting on Trump lying, being an asshole, self-aggrandizing, et al. This is not news. It’s his brand and he appreciates the coverage.
I’m angry at marketers who are either tone-deaf or exploitative. Stop marketing your products to people and start using your brand to be a light.
I’m angry at people that trust media yakkers over medical professionals. This includes people who take medical advice from a reality show star.
I’m angry at people that don’t think of others in a crisis. This includes hoarders, spreaders and deniers.
Phew. I think that’s it. That’s what I’m angry about.
When I asked a dear friend about processing anger, she suggested I scream and punch a pillow. Sharing these thoughts and feelings is my version of that.
I feel better. Thanks for listening.